I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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