When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You left your phone here
Wait...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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