how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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