You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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