i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
