Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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