we have officially lost it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
