so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
