Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm both gender and math confused
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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