we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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