I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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