Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
