dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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