After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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