i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
