I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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