no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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