Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
