before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
