And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
