Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
