Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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