I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
