he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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