guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
