His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
