Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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