omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
