My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
