in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
