Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
