he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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