We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I touched a dick in church today
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
