Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
