why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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