Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
