yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
