real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
