I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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