There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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