dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
