Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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