if you like me you must not know who I am
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
