i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
