I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
