I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
