pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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