so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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