I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
