We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
