3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
