Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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