Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize