So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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