She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize