I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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