Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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