You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
