is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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