So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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