i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
