Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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