You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
