I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
