Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Randomize
