On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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