??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
