I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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