Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
