I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
