Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
