I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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