I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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